Subway recently bestowed its new footlong desserts upon its already-satisfied customers, sparking a question as long as time itself: do desserts truly deserve to be an entire foot in length?
Americans know that the one thing we need is bigger or “longer” portions–especially those filled with sugar, sodium, and other “fresh” ingredients–which is why this question has become so critical. And, though offering feastful footlong sandwiches stuffed with processed meats, as well as fruits and vegetables gathered fresh from the back of the kitchen, Subway is starting to struggle with its image of health.
Just when consumers thought a regular sized cookie was the most they’d see from Subway, the company shocked the world by increasing its size to match the Subway footlong standard in December of 2023. To sweeten the deal, workers even warm up the cookie before serving it to customers, helping those who wouldn’t like their 1440 calories served cold.
“Unexpected demand for Subway’s new footlong cookies has created a big cookie shortage driving the new snack off the menu less than two weeks after its big debut,” CNN writer Jordan Valinsky said.
While some consumers are still eating up this revolutionary idea, others are left with a bad taste in their mouth.
“Let’s make one thing clear: There is absolutely nothing remarkable about this as a cookie,” Nick O’Mally said on MassiveLive. “It’s just chocolate chip — and long. It’s a cookie cake that’s baked in a thin pan.”
Regardless of the feedback, Subway has done more than enough for taste buds and arteries. The masterful footlong cookie led consumers to believe that perhaps the market for treats the size of a ruler was growing stale. Then, as the world had let its guard down, Subway unraveled more jaw dropping and heart stopping desserts with– get ready for it–a footlong churro and pretzel, which also trump the length of regular snacks.
In January, these dazzling delicacies were introduced by Subway and placed on their own new “sidekick” menu. Since then, the company has struggled to keep up with the high demand, ushering in a whole new era for the chain.
“Sidekicks are a big hit with guests and the latest proof that Subway is a remarkably different brand than it was when we began our transformation journey three years ago,” CEO of Subway John Chidsey said to KSPY . “…we’re not slowing down.”
These new dishes also come with a plethora of sauces so that customers can dip sugar in more sugar. To be able to produce such delightful treats, Subway partnered with Cinnabon and Auntie Anne’s, brands that are known for their cinnamon rolls and pizza pretzels.
The quality and taste of the Subway’s Footlong Sidekicks are definitely something special, and the mere perfection that comes from every bite of its gooey and processed texture is enough to validate the existence of footlong desserts. If the US is built on innovation, then Subway embodies the American footlong dream.
